


Epic Adventure with Giraffe

by fresne



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bechdel Test Pass, Female Main characters, Gen, Muslim Character, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-09
Updated: 2011-09-09
Packaged: 2017-10-23 14:03:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresne/pseuds/fresne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An epic adventure from the point of view of a giraffe. This leaves the story with  bit of an identity crisis. Not that Lelu, the giraffe, thinks that she's a woobie. She thinks she's tough. Black eyeliner. Pierced horn. Jack Skellington head backpack and spit in your eyes. Well, except she's not a camel. Not. But attitude. Lots of attitude. Except where she's a big softie on a quest. For a Maguf-fin. With five other giraffes, who keep licking the Malaekah who they met standing by the side of the freeway. There's also Umar, a Jann djinn, and Danya, also a Jann and his cousin, and some disagreement over who is cooler. Well, mostly from Umar. Danya hasn't noticed that there is any question. Plus, there's an epic quest. And some small ridiculousness. No kittens or puppies were harmed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epic Adventure with Giraffe

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a follow up to [Cup of Charity](http://archiveofourown.org/works/46170). It's not necessary to read that story first though.
> 
> The following inspiration for this work and inspiration for my dialogue, where I am not directly quoting, because apt quotes are cool:
> 
>  
> 
> Can't say as I remember quoting, but if I did and I haven't attributed, let me know and I'll add it.

Strangely, although Lelu felt really not, no one wanted to pick up six hitchhiking giraffe.

"It's okay, sugar, we'll jest 'hoof' it," said Sajidah. Laughed long loops down into her belly and back up her long (well, she was a giraffe) throat. "Dija, heard what I said there. I said 'Hoof' it." She fanned her ridiculous eye lashes. Her blue eye shadow sparkled with glitter.

Lelu did not kick her. Steel toed combat hooves thank you very much, but it was a very near thing. In all fairness, Lelu was wearing eyeliner herself, but it was black. Black eye shadow. Black eyeliner. Right horn pierced with a silver ankh. Yes, Lelu‘s favorite store was Gothy-Punk at a mall near you.

In any case, that was when it started to rain. Actually, this was somewhat of an understatement. It deluged. Many an other deluge might duck watery heads in humility at this release of the sky's aqueous all. The Marid in the sea sang love poems of intense regard to this rain. Sang their songs and danced. And the rain answered in thunderous fall. Green lightning fingers on ash dark clouds. The wind sighed.

But this was not the sea.

It was the desert and as far as far is far from the sea. For all that solitary canyons flashed their floods into rivers and dry lakes swelled into wet. On the highway, in this high desert, semi-trucks screamed past and the sky opened up with rain. It was all very unexpected.

Not that Rida didn't completely expect it. "I have just the thing." She pulled out six identical reflector lined plastic umbrella hats out of her backpack and handed them out. Lelu didn't wear hers because it was the dorkiest of all dorktastic hair crushing head things. Sakeena didn't wear hers because she was too busy lifting her head to the sky and humming. Not that they could hear her, but it was implied. What with the jumping in puddles and twirling on the edge of the highway.

It should perhaps be mentioned that the six giraffe, each from a separate sub-species, were on a quest for a magical Maguf-fin. The description of which would drive you insane, but suffice to say it contained a highly important metaphoric-allegoric representation of the sun and moon, and so, moving along and nothing here to see. Except Talibah thought there was plenty to see and had three guide books all about it. Mu'minah was only interested in one book, of whose study she’d made her life. She and Rida were sisters (and yet - different sub-species, but sometimes isn't that the way, and in any case it was up for debate in some scientific communities). Sajidah was from Savannah, which for clarity was the city, not the type of landscape. She was a zoo city giraffe. Lelu also was a city giraffe. Dark clubs and a skull anklet and spit in your eye. Well, okay, not actually spitting because she wasn't a camel, but you get the idea.

So, there you have it. Six giraffe. Desert. A dark and stormy mid-morning. Shiny umbrella hats. In the distance, a glimmering light. A truck stop. The hiss and buzz of florescent lights and shelter from the pour of rain. Six very, very, very damp giraffe. Soaked actually.

At the edge of the shelter under a buzz-crack-snapping fluorescent light, a man stood holding a rusted piece of old metal. Lelu read her name written there in deep dark ink. She read each of their names in turn. Something cold spiked down through all her stomachs. She reminded herself that she was a badass giraffe on a quest. She had steel hooves and everything. Plus, he was wearing a pink plastic poncho decorated with yellow ducks. Not really intimidating. But the sign had to weigh thirty pounds and he held it easily. Smiled as he saw them and his smile was light or something else poetic.

The man said, "I'm sorry about the rain. I did not bring it."

Sajidah leaned down and inhaled. "Don't worry about it, honey." She lipped his ear. "And don't you just smell like deep fat fried acacia leaves on a hot summer’s day."

He pulled away slightly and closed his eyes and said, as if a small child reciting a poem, "I am Mikha'il. I have been sent to..." That was as far as he got. The giraffe didn't so much attack as hyper-nuzzle. He gave up. He put the sign down. Spread his arms wide, smiled and ... okay, Lelu didn't nuzzle. She stood back and said, "Guys, guys. Seriously, a little dignity."

Sajidah licked Mikha'il's face. "Ah, honey, I left dignity behind a long, long time ago."

Amid the mass of affectionate giraffe, Mikha'il said, "I've been sent to help you with your quest."

"Do you have a car." Lelu was tired of walking. She was a city giraffe. Okay, she was a circus giraffe. Anyway, she traveled in trucks. Not walking.

Mikha’il shrugged into Talibah's nibble in his hair. "No."

"Great. We need a car." Lelu glared at the entire universe. Possible several bubble universes, if certain science fiction were to be believed. It was an extremely encompassing glare.

Which did precisely nothing.

Mikha’il said only, "Wait."

Lelu rolled her eyes and glared at the rain.

Mikha'il managed to pull a cup out of his pink plastic poncho. It was a plastic cup with one of those little letter opener swords sheathed in the plastic. The cup was from 7-11, which were a bit like locusts and not the good kind that you can eat, which are members of the legume family and have yummy fragrant white flowers. No, the other kind. Nevertheless, Mikha’il had bought the Big Gulp for the cup. He said, "I brought a sword."

"Great, we'll kill some letters with it later." Lelu was generally speaking against corporate whatever, but the 7-11 was attached to the gas station and they sold her some coffee, which at this point she really logarithmic needed. She lifted her head to the wind and pretended that she wasn't smiling over her cup. Because she was miserable.

Really, miserable.

Because, seriously, wait wasn't anything Lelu liked doing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

High in a tower in the City of Glass at the heart of the Iram of a Thousand Pillars mall, which was (the tower, not the mall) on top of a red-red crab, the Ifrit cackled. He did that a lot. He also said mean things to a puppy until it cried. Also, he made a kitten hang on a tree branch over a howling abyss. He said, "Hang in there, tiger." And he laughed. Laughed and laughed and laughed. It was an evil laugh. So, evil that it made curly hair straighten and straight hair curly. True fact, some of the more evil hair dressers use it. But we digress.

The Ifrit also caressed the Maguf-fin in a really disturbing way. The Maguf-fin for which he'd killed every ones parents. Well, obviously not yours or you know, anyone you know, but the parents of every other person ever. Most importantly the parents of the six giraffe. And what with each being a member of an endangered sub-species, this was even wronger than a normal wrong. Well, let's just say he followed it up with some Blue Whale steaks roasted on rainforest planks seasoned with a sprits of ozone. Then he laughed. Seriously, he had the evil laugh down cold.

He stood in his tower of glass and inappropriately touched the Maguf-fin. He looked into his magic glass of creeper-peeper-looking and watched the giraffe. He set Ghul to sniffing from their tombs. They were his children. They were the un-dead and they would do anything for daddy. Not that he gave his affection lightly. Or at all. But they lived in hope. Or were undead in hope. Or you, know whatever.

He was a bad father, okay. Anyway, moving along. He called on them and they went. Filled with hope. There was evil skipping. And arguments over who daddy disliked least. Azhar was the Ifrit’s lieutenant and not a regular goon, so she knew it was her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Umar needed to cut a baby in half.

Okay, it was just a plastic baby. For an art project for this class he was taking. And it was stupid. As he picked up the hacksaw, he muttered, "Oh, Danya, you're so brilliant." He gripped the doll by the legs and tried to find the best place to cut. "Your brilliant use of brilliant post-modern brilliant deconstructed completely brilllllllllliant is so inspiring." The saw hissed across plastic, but the plastic baby was tougher that it looked. The saw skittered to the right and didn't cut anything. Umar hissed and reattached a finger. Snapped those fingers and the baby fell apart into two perfect pieces.

Umar looked up to see if anyone had seen him do that, but the teacher was busy telling his cousin, Danya, that she was brilliant for the twenty-third time. This was a significant number, because Umar said so and she'd never called him brilliant even though he completely had been. But no. For twenty-three separate projects involving glass, tile, National Geographic magazines and a hammer, which all look identical to Umar, but according to their teacher were perfect post modern representations of schismatic dichotomies in the... Umar had stopped paying attention. But Umar was going to be postmodern if it killed him. And if he has to kill a few plastic babies to do it, so be it.

He felt what would be really postmodern would be antlers. Painted pink. Or maybe green. He made some antlers and flipped their color back and forth. He was bored. He wondered why Danya wasn't bored yet with being better, so he could be better, so he could leave. He looked out the window and narrowed his eyes. A sudden storm on the horizon over the desert. The storm wind whispered.

The winds were terrible gossips. Just terrible. And lying liars who lied. Umar said, "What?" Actually, he said it more like, “What!”

The wind swirled through the chimes made from camera lenses playfully flirting their answer. Umar narrowed his eyes. He had long ago adopted Mikha'il into his family. For were they not like each other. In that they were nothing alike, but Mikha'il didn't have the sense to come in out of the rain or not go on quests with giraffe that had pierced horns or licked at him and were not even called Umar. Ha. Umar said this aloud, "Ha." He abandoned the baby - sad halved baby - and went out through the window. He flew out into the desert as a vulture because he was in that sort of mood.

So the rest of the plastic babies lived. Except the halved one with the cracked blue eye, because Danya stole it for project twenty-four.

She was looking for some texture then realized that Umar was no where. She looked under the table to see if he was chewing on the potato forks, but he was not there. She had been there three times, because she liked the way the forks crunched in her mouth. But come to think of it, Umar was never under the table. She checked behind the stack of ash trays that they stolen from the Al Baik to make into a space ship. Not a real space ship. Just a model for a movie that Danya was going to make. A cracktastic movie about sea monkeys and ulation. Danya rolled the words in her mouth like marbles. Cracktastic. Ulation. Sea Monkeys. Then she spat the words out. It was hard to talk around marble words.

She tilted her head. The wind was in the east and the call was across the City and she was the wind.

Which is to say that she was bored with art. Art was dead to her. She cut off the ears of art. She grinned at the room full of students and the teacher with her blue Dishdash. She went to the plastic palm tree at one end of the room and she plucked off two of its branches, which became a hundred in her hands. She married two ratty old sofas in the lobby. It was a lovely ceremony. A green fabric one and one with orange paisley. She lashed the branches of palm to them. She put the doll's head with its one blue eye on the front. She put the dolls legs at the back. Which was to say, she made a flying sofa. Not that she couldn't fly on her own, but with the giraffe on a quest with “their” Malaekah - her cousin had adopted Mikha’il and her cousin was her cousin - Danya felt it was important to make an entrance

She waved at her art teacher, who looked at her with tears streaming down her face, as Danya flew out the window.

And if the window was a little larger after she left, excellent!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ghul arrived at the gas station first. Slinking and slunking and generally skulking in the shadows around the truck stop. They wore their favorite forms. That of the hyena. They saw the giraffe lit in the bright lights of the empty gas station. A Ghul laughed. They all laughed. High and crackling. They wanted to be like their father so bad. A fluorescent light popped. A Ghul darted forward in shadows. Ten darted forward.

Lelu could see the outlines of faint shapes move in the dark. She could hear their laughter. They could all hear their laughter and they sounded like insane clowns. Lelu grew up in a circus. She actually liked clowns and often borrowed makeup when she went clubbing. She did not like that sound. She scrapped a steel toed hoof on the ground and yelled, "Bring it."

Each Ghul in their turn stared at her skull anklet. For the Ghul never went to the Gothy-Punk store at the mall and had to make do with real skulls not cute silver ones. Licked their lips and thought that perhaps they could make their father proud and get some schwag. Azhar knew that this skull anklet would be hers and hers alone. She glanced at her siblings. She was their father’s lieutenant, in secret of course, so she was better and soon she’d have an anklet to prove it. But they could soften the giraffe up first.

Meanwhile, Rida reached into her back pack and pulled out flashlights that they could wear on their foreheads. Lelu wouldn't wear hers. "I'd like to keep my night vision, thank you." She glared at the night, which was actually mid-morning.

Sakeena wouldn't wear hers either. "It's not necessary." And she hummed. Moved in the dance of her inner rhythm. Or something.

Mikha'il said, "Thank you, but I do not need it to see," when Rida offered him a spare light.

Mu'minah took a light gratefully from her sister and offered a prayer of thanks for the light in the gathering dark. Or you know, exploding florescent tube bulbs.

As the last tube light went and shadows formed solid laughter running to them, Lelu yelled, "Yo, sign dude, is this what you came to help us with?"

Mikha'il said, very calmly, oh, so calmly, "I am sorry, but this is not. But I was told that you have what you need." He looked around the gas station very significantly, which since it was very dark was possibly not as helpful as he thought it was. But you, know, he did try.

Lelu muttered, "Men," and kicked a Ghul into next week. For it should be mentioned that while giraffe are generally peaceful folk with large eyes fringed with wide lashes and long graceful necks and generally look like model twigs, they kick very hard.

There were however a great many Ghul.

Five went for the man in the yellow plastic poncho with the pink ducks. Easy prey. He said, "Hello," and smiled such a smile as to light the day and high above the rain stopped. Those five Ghul decided that enough was enough with trying to win their father's approval through wanton acts of destruction and violence. It was never going to happen and maybe, just maybe they should start living for themselves. Maybe they could put aside the destructive scripting of the past and live for the future. Five minutes later they were in Tanzania working at a large game preserve guiding tourists and stealing their toiletries. Well they were still somewhat evil. But much happier. They still send Mikha’il postcards and the odd tiny bottle of shampoo.

The rest of the Ghul attacked the giraffe. It was a very epic battle. Kicking and yelling. Sakeena was surprisingly kick ass. Rida had a pepper spray spritz thing that was surprisingly effective. Mu'minah not-surprisingly went with praying while kicking the Ghul, but it worked for her. Sajidah not-surprisingly fought dirty, "Not one of you blood suckers is getting any where near my neck. I just had it styled." Talibah not-surprisingly kept up a running commentary on the various ways to fight djinn, Ghul and hyenas. It was actually kind of distracting, so Lelu tuned her out and went with kicking anything that moved and wacking things with this awesome iron chain that she found hanging from the gas station roof. The Ghul were only going to get her skull anklet if they pried it off her cold dead body, which was really not her first preference, thwack!

Azhar fumed in the dark and watched. She wanted that skull anklet and she wanted her father‘s love. This is the by way is what is known as foreshadowing of someone standing in a shadow.

It turned out that the gas station did have everything that they needed. Although, what Mikha'il had actually meant was that they had everything they needed within themselves.

But, yup, it was epic. Except, you know in that first battle of the story sort of way. Way more epic to come.

Anyway, the sky cleared and the sun (the actual and not the metaphoric Maguf-fin representation) came out and the Ghul were forced to flee from shadow to shadow to go call their father and get yelled at. This was fairly brutal. You'll be sorry to learn that there was profanity, harsh language, and mental cruelty. Several Ghul cried so hard that they hiccupped and broke a power station. Azhar brooded. She’d taken several courses in brooding during her underworld apprenticeship.

Meanwhile, as the giraffe were high hoofinging each other, Umar arrived. He landed in a flutter of wings. He said, "You had a battle without me." He shook his head very meaningfully at Mikha'il.

Mikha'il smiled. "Yes."

"Fine, I do not care." Umar threw up his hands. "Don't call me. See if I care. I just left something very important behind so I could be here for you. That is all. And you, you do not care at all for the loss to the world of art." Umar bowed his head oh, so very sadly. "No, no you do not."

"Ah, honey, does someone need a little hug." Sajidah nuzzled Umar, who laughed, because he was actually quite ticklish.

Lelu said, "What we need is a ride. I don't see vulture dude bringing a truck with him."

Umar huffed and didn't offer to make a car or a truck or anything. Or he would have, but he was laughing too hard at the tickling.

Mikha'il said, "Wait."

Lelu rolled her eyes.

This was when Danya arrived. She said, "I brought Mansaf and rice," and leaned back on the couches, which she tapped with long jointed fingers. Grinned behind her veils of smoke.

Mikha'il climbed easily over the side. He didn't say, "I told you to wait and look here a friend of mine has shown up with a flying vehicle.” He wasn't really made to do that sort of thing. When he smiled, it was empty of anything, but “Oh the wonder of a flying couch, get in.”

Lelu said, "Okay, seriously, we're not all fitting on that thing. We're giraffe. So, yeah, no. It's just a whole lot of way to the not even."

Danya crunched a bone between her teeth. The pattern of black tattoos around her eyes shifted as flesh regrew on the bone before she threw it over the side. She did not say, "Way." or "Try it." or Anything like that. The echo of old distant fires flashed in her eyes.

They all fit.

The couch was not bigger on the inside, because that‘s been done, although certainly an excellent metaphor. But no, they were merely the most comfortable couches in the world. Well, once Umar got through with them. Danya not being large on comfort. "Danya, she would have you riding on blocks of stone if she had her way." Umar went for sage nodding. Sage nodding and slipped away from Danya and to the far side of a giraffe. Mu'minah offered him half of her cookie.

Once they were really comfortable, a herd of giraffe could have fit into the flying couches easily. Although, any change in any pocket was automagically lost as a toll to the cushions. Just the way things had to be.

They were just about to take off when Umar said the dreaded words, "Where are we going?"

Dreaded because Talibah immediately began to "Explain". It should be explained that there is a difference between explaining and "Explaining". The former is a relatively short process at the end of which information has been imparted. The second is a long and torturous process involving flow charts and flow diagrams so fiendishly complex that actual fiends will have nothing to do with them. In a word, a half hour later Lelu and Danya were playing hounds and jackals and Umar was asleep. Mikha'il sat straight up with his hands folded in his lap and nodded when Talibah asked if they understood. Because he did understand.

Fortunately, some thirty minutes earlier, Rida had handed Danya a map from her backpack. Danya handed the map to the one eyed baby head, who was surprising good at reading maps.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
High in his tower on the weary back of the red-red giant crab, the Ifrit snarled. He kicked a glass wall of shattered shards and made the puppy that lived in his fireplace (yes, Cinderpuppy) clean it with sad bleeding paws. Poor, poor Cinderpuppy. He added more kittens to his "hang in there, tiger" tree. Took photos and sold posters and started an evil LOL cat meme. He inappropriately touched the Maguf-fin, which was not alive, but still it contained the sun and the moon, which were far too large to be in such a small space and were tired of the Ifrit cackling over them.

The Ifrit looked into his glass of creeper-peeping-looking and went internet shopping for a gift for his cousins. The Marid never did anything unless you flattered them to their toes. He got them coupons for toe waxing. They really could stand to do something about the seaweed growing there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Back on the epic quest, this would be the long journey part.

They flew over mountains and wore parkas. Rida's backpack wasn't really a backpack of holding. She was a giraffe and she had a fairly long back. They flew over a glacier and got a little lost. They went down from the mountains. They came to the sea where the Marid djinn swirled across the waves in spouts. They attempted to fly out across the water, but the water spouts were capricious and soaked the couches.

Danya leaned over the side and said, "Hey, watch it down there."

Now, the Marid were no friend to the Ifrit, but still. They were what they are. Blue and green and wet with flashing teeth that smiled and called the rain that tossed the couches across the sky. Capricious winds with cruel fingers. Danya yelled, "Stop that!” but she was all earth and fire and none of the sea.

Umar said, "Cousins, but you're too beautiful to be so angry. Show me your beautiful spouts."

Talibah yelled over the winds, "That's exactly how you're supposed to get on the good side of Marid. Flatter them."

"Not helping," yelled Umar, as the winds, which had so briefly stilled, resumed.

Lelu yelled her curses and Rida gave everyone sea sick medicine.

Tossed they were on the winds and slapped by the sea and rain. Only Mikha'il was unworried. He sat up straight on his seat with his hands folded in his lap. The rain slid off his pink poncho. He blinked up at the sky.

Mu'minah huddled at her end of the couches whispered her simple prayer and Mikha'il blinked. He did not say that this what he had been told to wait for. It was self-evident, which makes this sentence kind of completely unnecessary, but it happens. Mikha’il leaned over the side of the couches and he called out, "I have been bidden to cast the garment of love over these seekers that they may be reared under the eye of Allah. By that blessing the winds may now stop."

The winds in the sky, feeling sheepish, blew fluffy white clouds shaped like hearts around the couches and the Marid in the sea ducked their heads under the water and went to whirl farther oceans.

"Okay, who Are you?" asked Lelu. She looked at Mikha'il as if she could bore through his skull with a look. She couldn't, which all things considered was fortunate.

Danya laughed then. While Umar said, "Seriously?" Talibah speculated and Rida pulled out snacks and had to put them away. It was too soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ifrit cursed the Marid. Okay, not really, because they would curse back. But he thought dark, dark thoughts in their direction. Discretely. Before calling his children.

Maybe this time, they could manage not to be disappointments. On the other end of the line, Azhar sighed because he got her name wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Our questers flew across puffy white cloud seas with playful waves that splashed shapes. As if the Marid wanted to say, "What, nothing happened. What, we're friendly." Lelu was willing to go with it, but she stared at Mikha'il until they reached the farther shore, where the City of Glass sparkled on the edge of that blue green sea.

They landed and everyone looked at Talibah, who said, "What I told you that I knew we needed to come to the City of Glass. I told you I didn't know where in the City of Glass we needed to go." She sighed. "Do I need to back over the power point presentation?" This got a resounding no.

Danya said, "I want ice cream."

Sajidah licked her lips. "Honey, I think you just may be a genius."

Danya didn't say anything, but she laughed. Umar rolled his eyes and muttered, "Danya, you're so brilliant, why don't you just make ice cream. Oh, I know, because you can't make ice cream."

"Mmmm.... metaphysical ice cream," said Sakeena. "I want that."

"Uh," said Lelu.

"Oh, I totally know where we should go," said Talibah. Of course she did. They also got lost, but of course Rida had several maps and they finally made it to the botanical gardens across from the Iram of a Thousand Pillars mall. Where even then, the Ifrit glared down at them through his glass of creeper-peeper-looking and growled at this unlikeliest of coincidences.

They wandered around the botanical garden in the park next to the mall and looked for the ice cream man with the green hat. Talibah insisted.

Lelu looked out over the canyon that bisected the park. "You're serious."

Talibah nodded. Well, she also explained, but Lelu ignored her.

Lelu looked back out over the canyon. "We're giraffe. How will we hold on? It's not like we have hands."

Sajidah put on a helmet. "Sugar, don't be such a fuss budget. You need to live a little." Her horns stuck out of slits in the shiny plastic.

Lelu wanted to protest that she lived plenty. Instead she looked out into the canyon and down to where the tall cedars of Lebanon grew. Each one of which were the size of a great tower and at the tops of which wooden paths and metal lines looped and crossed. "It's a zip line. We're giraffe."

Rida put down the brochure. "The lines are rated for elephants."

Sakeena shrugged. Strapped herself into a harness (what you've been reading this story this long and have an issue over a lack of opposable thumbs) and slid out over the canyon and into the tree tops.

And so it was. Giraffe. On zip lines. Wee! Or you know, the suck. Lelu was not a tree top giraffe. Most aren't. Danya had fun. Danya wasn't a giraffe. Mind you, Danya once had fun at the bottom of the well with a bat having a cup of treacle. She hummed, "Twinkle, twinkle little bat," as she skipped the zip line and just jumped out into space (kids don't try that at home. Danya was and still is a Jann. She can do that sort of thing.) Umar used the zip line. Leaned back into the harness. Spun and did a loop. (Kids don't try that either. Umar decided that gravity was for other people. He did that sometimes.)

They found the ice cream man on the third platform. He had a tiny cart that curled cold into the tree top mist. His eyes twinkled as he handed them their orders and shoved each of them off the platform to fly through the trees. Danya snorted when he tried to shove her. She did enjoy her Cone of Silence though. Umar went for the Purr of a Tabby Cat on a Lazy Afternoon.

Mikha'il said, "I don't eat." and stepped off the platform. Flew down the line and landed lightly at the next platform high in the cedars of Lebanon. This was the grove of Allah and it was protected from goats by Mikha’il’s brother. And a small wall that read, “No Goats, please.”

Umar made Mikha’il share his ice cream. "Eat this. Everyone needs some lazy afternoon." Around them the squirrels ran through the branches of the trees and the winds rustled below them. Mikha'il ate some Purr of a Tabby Cat on a Lazy Afternoon.

Umar looked at him expectantly. Mikha’il smiled. The wind sighed in the trees.

Sajidah got three scoops of Ten-Years Old with First Crush sprinkles. Talibah took a deep breath and got one scoop of the Wisdom of Experience. More than one would go to her head. She took a bite and she jumped before she could be pushed. She glided along the long lazy line to the next platform and listened to the warm green of the world go by her.

Rida ordered chocolate, because she liked chocolate. Sakeena got a bar of Shiny. While Mu'minah has a Rahmah sundae. She sighed as she ate it. Lelu went last. She mumbled when she made her order. When they asked later, she said, "I got Deepest Darkest Existential Crisis with frozen Ennui." Actually, it was Rafah, but she didn't want them to know that. So, she lied.

Mikha'il patted her shoulder and said nothing. He had been told that she'd have that flavor and that he should wait.

He was good at waiting. He didn't like waiting. He didn't dislike waiting. It wasn't in his nature to like or dislike. But still, he ate the Purr of a Tabby Cat on a Lazy Afternoon when Umar offered him another bite.

They whirred down angles from tree to tree. Darker green lit light as they left the high branches behind. Shifting green shadows and tiny slices of golden light that dusted down. The wind sounded a sea roar. Umar sniffed at it. Lying liars who lied.

The wind wasn't lying.

As they landed on the eighth platform, the Ghul attacked, having gotten a call from their father not to screw it up this time and try to be less of a disappointment. Howled from the shadows. Chattered monkey teeth and waved curve tipped scorpion tails. Howls and a hail of cones dripping with resin.

"This is not good," said Rida. Mu'minah brushed at the resin on her hide.

Sajidah pursed her lips. "Well, now honey, I'd call it the opposite of good, which is just plum bad."

Danya clapped her hands in delight. "You didn't say there would be Ghul." Under her veil and smoke cloud scarves, she triangle tooth smiled. She flexed her fingers and for the first time, Lelu noticed her long sharp nails, which was surprising because they were totally awesome and usually Lelu noticed that sort of thing. Finger tips blue and burning in the dim light. Danya laughed the low crackle of smokeless fire and dived up into the shadows. The smoke of her Abaya made her a shadow herself. Then there was screaming. Monkey screaming.

Umar loudly whispered to Sajidah, "Danya really doesn't like Ghul. It's a rivalry thing. Different kinds of djinn. Sad really."

"Can't say as I like them too well myself," said Sajidah.

Umar grinned. "Come to think of it, I don't like them either." He made a Muhaddab out of beam of light. Then he made the blade longer. Then he remade it so that it was blue. Then he re-remade it to be larger than large. Then some Ghul got past Danya and the battle was on. Sadly, the blade was too large to swing. Well, Umar could swing it, but he was in danger of filleting the party. Umar made do with a knife made from a smile. Three guesses as to whose smile he used, and the first two don’t count. But if you‘re right, Umar will send you a CD of album. But we digress.

The battle was fairly epic. Okay, so it was so Totally epic. Even more so than the first battle, because it was the second battle of the story. There was no convenient chain for Lelu to grab. Also, she'd had to take off her steel hooves for the zip line. Rida wasn't feeling well. She was regretting getting the chocolate. It was hard for any of the giraffe to kick, and the only way to spread out was to head down into the rope course that spiraled from the platform. But spread they did. Releasing their inner, um, tree giraffe. Spinning and whirling and um, stuff. (seriously, if you're going to quibble on impossibility, you're reading the wrong story. Really. Trust me. It was Epic!)

Talibah picked up a sign identifying the types of orchids that grew in these trees and swatted Ghul with it. Sajidah fought dirty. Sakeena hummed "Twinkle, Twinkle little bat." It had ear wormed into her and now she sang it as she spun. While Mu'minah prayed and snapped her teeth at the dark.

Mikha'il sat on a post wrapped with steel cables. He waited.

Lelu kicked at a Ghul and missed. She snapped at it with her teeth and flung it off the rope ladder. Yelled, "Mikha’il, are you ever going to fight?"

"Yes," said Mikha'il. His answer was fast, for the answer was woven into him. A part of himself.

Lelu ducked around the wide tree and struck out at the shifting shadows. "Are you going to fight now?"

Mikha'il's brow furrowed. This was not what he had been told to wait for. This was a harder answer.

"Eh, let the boy sit there and be pretty." Sajidah mooed (she was so embarrassed) as a shadow of Ghul were annoying ass hats on her ass.

Yup. Epic. Think back flips and smile-knife foo and kick foo and, yes, giraffe foo. On a platform. Yeah. That's right. Platform foo. And rope course foo. But there were losing. Stung from a thousand itchy (the Ghul had poisonous stingers, but like poison ivy or oak poisonous. Rasho-zilla) stings. Somewhere, Danya cursed a blue streak and Ghul crackled, but still, they were everywhere. Following the shadows.

Azhar saw her chance and reached for the skull anklet. “It will be mine!” And all her siblings howled.

Which was when Lelu thought, shadows and down and took off her anklet. Ghul howled and leapt for it.

Lelu jumped off of the platform, waving her skull anklet, which she totally loved. It was a leap of faith. Like totally metaphoric. Except, you know not. The Ghul swarmed after her and she let go. Of the anklet. Azhar yelled, “Mine.“ and jumped after it. The others followed. She was the leader, but they all wanted the anklet. They fell away in pursuit. Shiny. She could hear them far below arguing. Course, Lelu was stuck dangling between trees on the zip line.

This was what Mikha'il had been waiting for. He climbed out onto the line and towed her to the next platform. She glared at him. "What now, you help?"

"Yes," and he smiled and Lelu felt ridiculously awesome, but told herself it was the sugar high. Even when the other giraffe joined them on the next platform for a group necking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~  
High in his tower, the Ifrit snarled and snapped the truck of his kitten tree. They fell mewling into the abyss. The Ghul were so totally not getting anything for their birthdays this year. Not that he ever gave them anything, but this year, really, lots of nothing. Especially Azhasomething.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, on the platform, the giraffe, djinn, plus one Mikha'il stood there being all triumphant and stuff. That was when the rain of kittens started. A sudden squall of them and they knew, just knew that it had been the Ifrit. (You may be relieved to know that no kittens were actually harmed. Before they could reach the ground, Mikha'il's brother scooped them up and found them all good homes with the goats. But don't tell the main characters that. Because they were sad and filled with righteous angst. Because, sniff, this is a reminder of what happened with their parents.)

Lelu cried a single perfect tear, but on the inside. She held up a cell phone with a lighter app for a few minutes. Umar kicked a rock and Danya said the hell with this and did her best William Shatner impersonation, because what's (not) dead kittens without a little Shatner. That's right, she screamed, "Khan!" then several variations on Khans that she’s known, because she’s known quite a few.

This confused Mikha'il, who said, "The Ifrit's name is Iblis. Not Khan." He paused. Blinked.

Danya ruffled his curly hair with long fingers that she couldn’t be bothered to make like human fingers, because really, it was just too much to resist. He didn’t pull away. He looked at her with his infinite eyes. No matter what he looked like, the eyes were always the same. Light.

Danya looked at Lelu, who looked at Danya. Lelu sighed and said, "Tell me about it."

The zip lines came to rest in the shadow of a fortress manned with real fortress people. Mind you, it was a sort of Japanese Persian Vauban sort of fortress, so it was kind of a mess. Nice gift shop though. Rida bought a postcard, which she sent to her little brother, who was also Mu'minah's little brother. They told him to eat his leaves and that they were having a good time.

As they examined key chains, Sakeena said, "Oh, what beautiful music."

"Uh," said Lelu, because beautiful wasn't how she'd have put it.

A sure-to-be-cryptic elderly Mandarin gentleman sat in front of the fortress playing "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" on a Gugin. Lelu opened her mouth and got as far as, "Hey, old dude..."

He smiled cryptically into his glued on Mandarin mustache. "A square that is cut is not complete."

Lelu clutched her horns. "What does that even mean?"

Talibah knelt down in front of the old man. She placed money of the paper folding kind in the cup in front of the old man. "Oh, wise one. We are on a quest to find..."

But the man cut her off. "You know what. I'm tired of this. I'm old and I'm going to die soon and my sciatica is acting up something fierce, so today, forget the square thing. I'm skipping the cryptic crap. The evil Ifrit is in the glass tower on top of the red-red crab in the Iram of a Thousand pillars mall, across the street from where you are right now. Have a nice day." He handed Umar a coin with a hole in it.

Umar said, "But this is?"

"Yes," said the not-cryptic elderly Mandarin gentleman, "and did I mention my sciatica?" With that he went back to playing. This time it sounded like something from Phantom of the Opera. Sakeena danced to the music of the night.

Sajidah had actually dated the Phantom of the Opera when he was a building labyrinth theme park in Persia, Iowa. "That man had Issues. Lots of issues. With enough baggage to kill a freight train."

In any case, the coin and the Phantom, who wasn’t even part of this story, were a digression.

They crossed the street. There was another brief digression when Lelu squealed (she insisted that it was a guttural hey), when she saw a Punky-Goth store at the mall and that skull anklets were on sale. She got one with red glass chips for eyes, which while not as cool as the old one (the pain, it was still too new, sniff), she named it Precious. If she'd read the packaging in the store, she'd have realized it also came with a gaes, but really, who reads the packaging paperwork. Anyway, as previously stipulated, that was a digression.

It was a long elevator ride up to the top. The Musac that played, it was Evil. Pure Evil. Sakeena wept. Rida handed out ear plugs. For once, Lelu used something of Rida's.

Mikha'il said, "No thank you." Umar and Danya simply removed their ears for the duration.

Then the doors opened and it was time for Epic, Epic, Epic, Final, Final Battttttttttttle. The elevator went ding and Mikha’il pulled the Big Gulp cup out from under his pink poncho covered in yellow ducks, which it should mentioned, Umar made for him one day out of sunset and a pop song.

The Ifrit saw the letter opener sized sword that Mikha'il had sheathed in his Big Gulp cup and said, "What seriously! You're the bunch of pathetic losers that I've been worried about."

Mikha'il pulled his letter opener sword out of his cup and it got bigger or something. And there was a battle. A big battle. Really impressive.

Umar watched and ate sweet popcorn, which Danya couldn’t stand, because popcorn should be salty. Not sweet. She had very definite opinions on this. Lelu ate leaves and took pictures with her Jack Skellington camera phone. She said, "Oh," because the steel toed combat hoof had finally dropped on who Mikha'il was.

Sakeena hummed something appropriate with some accompaniment on small electric ukulele. Sajidah said, "Well, now, if that wasn't worth the trip," and fanned herself with her ridiculous eyelashes. Saw Cinderpuppy and promptly adopted him. ”Oh, aren’t you the sweetest little thing.” Mu'minah prayed a prayer of joy and Rida asked if anyone wanted any more popcorn.

Mikha'il waited until they were done eating and then he won. Because he was polite that way. The Ifrit was very annoyed to be decapitated, but the giant red-red crab picked up his head and talked about how putting a tower on his back had made him feel. He was *really* annoyed about the tower on his back thing.

The sun and moon burst forth from the Maguf-fin and yelled, "Hurray!"

All giraffe (even Lelu) nuzzled Mikha'il happily. Danya was bored already and Umar told them to back off. Although, really Mikha'il didn't mind.

And that's pretty much how that the Epic Adventure with giraffe went.

Unless it went a completely different way.

Mikha’il could tell you, but if you ask, he’ll just smile.

**Author's Note:**

> This story does require a certain amount of explanation. After I wrote Cup of Charity, I wrote a liner notes version with commentary. I got a comment asking for more, so I dashed a very fast (and therefore cracktastic) comment fic, which was the genesis of this story. Well, that and having just been to New York, where I saw [this](http://www.flickr.com/photos/gula08/4168445605/) statue in Morningside. Which was so bizarre it worked its way into I think three different fic that year. Mind you, that statue has nine giraffe nuzzling the angel, but six were hard enough to manage in a short fic. Which I'm happy is finally out of its half written state.
> 
> The giraffe's names for the most part mean [things](http://www.farfesha.com/pages/female-arabic-names.htm%20).  
> For those who don't want to go clickly,  
> Sajidah - Prostrating to God  
> Talibah - Seeker after knowledge  
> Rida - Favored by God  
> Mu'minah - Pious believer  
> Sakeena - God-inspired peace of mind, tranquility
> 
> Also, Azhar means - flowers. Poor, father love seeking Ghul. She will rescue his head later, but that's a different story.
> 
> For understanding the more obscure types of ice cream, you can [click through](http://www.beautifulislam.net/tellmemore/god_and_love.htm). Hmmm... maybe someone should have some internet ice cream. No, it would have killed them.
> 
> As to the djinn, when looking for links, it was amazing the number of websites that would sell me power rings. [this](http://www.visionaryliving.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Djinn-types.pdf) was much useful and Talibah approved. Well, she wanted to give me a long lecture, but I hid outside on the edge of my wireless range instead and clicked preview. Post.
> 
> If after reading my fiction here, you would like to read more about me and my writing check out my profile.


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